How To Make A Twenty Minute Skirt From A Great Crafty Blog!

For all you skirt lovers out there, I found another very simple skirt project. Just adorable! You could lengthen the fabric to make an ankle duster as well!

Shabby Apple Dresses And Accessories blog has lovely projects and features for you to try. Visit her site for the complete tute!

Miracle Wrap Skirt: Pattern And Instructions!!

The Divine Ms de Hart in her

Miracle Wrap Skirt

Beginner's version
Advanced Version

I've been consumed with trying to determine how to draft a free pattern for you that did not require a degree in physics for this timeless garment, when...poof! What should appear in my email, but the EN-tire project WITH pattern, WITH detailed instructions, WITH a ton of pictures!! See. That's magic. All I have to do is think about something hard enough and it's going to manifest. ("Look at all this money!! What am I gonna DO with all of this money?!? Have you ever seen so much money in all of your life!??! However will I spend all of this money??!!")

The author of this miracle of appearing miracle skirt pattern is designer Andrea de Hart. For more of her incredible crafts and sewing tips, visit her site, Crafty Bitch!!

The only thing that I would add to these fabulous directions is where she shows the advanced version that has a piped edge slightly rounded is to say that a piped edge actually helps you turn and finish anything beautifully!!

So here goes! Download the pattern in PDF format HERE from Craftzine. See the entire layout HERE from Craft Magazine Volume 6.

My undying thanks to Ms. de Hart for doing all the gray work for me!

Miracle Skirt Basics - Pattern #1

The finished skirt striaght and ruched up with drawstrings showing a bit of a red calico pettycoat.

I made this item for Cindy's character for the play, "Into The Woods" . It turned out super so I thought I'd give a mini-tute on how to make one for yourself. The drawstrings are sewn into channels that cover every seam in this gored skirt giving you lots of options.

It can be bustled for an 1890s look, pulled up on just the sides and worn with hip pillows for a paniered look of the 1700s, scallop it all the way around for a Civil War ball skirt, or draw it up on just one side for a wench or lady pirate look. The length is up to you.

This one is just about ankle length, but shorter versions make up just as well as overskirts for Renaissance gowns or dance.

Depending on your fabric choices, you could also use this for a belly dance piece if built in a sheer chiffon worn with or without dance pants and a choli.

1. This example is for a 38" long skirt. Panels are 42" long with hem allowance and a bit over 3" for the waist elastic casing.

First, you need to put together your gored skirt. I do this my old tried and true method with minimum to no waste. Yay Green Sewing! Measure from your waist to the desired hem length of your finished skirt and add 5/8" for seam allowances top and bottom, plus enough for fold over casings in waist if you're going to have an elastic waist in a self casing. Three inches at the top is a good number for an elastic waist with self casing. It gives you a 5/8" seam and a roomy casing which can be stabilized by sewing close to the fold at the top before you insert your elastic.

Fold your goods lengthwise to this measurement, folding it accordion style until you have the number of panels you want. Four double folds or panels as the fabric is cut off the bolt will give you a super hem sweep. Add a few more panels for a ridiculously full skirt or less for a more tame version.

Here's where that math you learned in school comes in. Measure your waist and add six inches for wearing ease for a skirt with a fitted waistband. For a fuller waisted skirt either gathered into a waistband or with a fold over casing with elastic, take your waist plus the six inches wearing ease and double it.

Whichever figure you end up with will be divided by the number of panels or gores you'll have doubled. This will be the size of the smallest end of the folds in my cutting diagram in the next step.

Example: Say your waist is thirty inches. With wearing ease, that measurement will be 36". You've made four folds or panels in your 45" fabric. That will give you 8 layers of fabric because each panel is doubled as it comes off the bolt folded in half down the center of the cloth.

2. This diagram shows how your panels will stack up and where your cutting lines should be.

So you double your folds for the two layers of cloth for each fold, which would be 8 waist ends and 8 hem ends on each crosswise edge and divide your waist measurement by 8. (30" waist plus 6" ease or 36: / 16 layers of cloth or 8 panels = 2.25"). Add 1/2" to this measurement and round it to the next closest number. In the case of a 30" waist, that will be 3". This allows for a gore seam to be sewn.

3. Diagram 3 shows folded panels ready to cut.

If you're going to finish the waist edge with a self casing, your turning over and sewing will be easier if you cut down straight for the first 3 plus about 3/8" before you angle down to the bottom. Be sure you cut both waist and hem edges your 3 3/8" on both sides and then cut a straight line from the bottoms of these points.

To get a straight edge and take the guessing out of the side seam cutting lines, I make one more fold and use it to guide me when I cut the gores as above.

Sew your panels together from the bottom to top. Press straight grain seams with selvedge edges together open and serge or finish the edges on a bias angle and press towards the selvedge seams. Now you sew 5/8" bias casing along each seam turning hem edges under.

4. Gores sewn, seams finished and pressed, casings sewn in. Center casing before drawstrings pulled through.

5. Bottoms of the casing channels with drawstrings pulled through and knotted at hem edge.

6. Picture of drawstrings at waist edge opening pinned, and ready to be sewn.

Use a safety pin to thread narrow drawstrings or braid through your casings leaving a 6" tail. Pin the other ends at waist end and secure with straight stitching. Cotton or string with a tooth will work better than silky cords or ribbons which have a tendency to slip.

Now your ready to play! Try on your skirt and start pulling some strings!

7. Skirt hem pulled up just a bit for a peek at an underskirt or pettycoat.

(**This is the start of what I hope will be a regular series of patterns for simple garments that are the basic building blocks of what I do. I've come full circle after 45 years of building with lint. I've learned that the simplist cuts and most economic lines are the best - just as our ancestors did because of the scarcity and value of cloth.

If there's a particular item you'd like me to address, let me know.)

New Project

Believe it or not, I'm still tweaking Cindy's stripper costume and working on another: A 1930s dress and hat for her daughter. But I also had something new come in the door. Her name is Charlotte.

Cindy and I found her abandoned on the side of the road. She's skinny, wormy and has conjunctivitus but is a sweetie. A little on the blonde side, though. If you set her down somewhere, she'll stay until you come and get her -- including the cat box. She's a toe sucker and will dive under covers to find them. She has her own method. She must put as much of the toe in her mouth as she can and then she nips. You can see how thin she is from her protruding leg and hip bones, but I'm fattening her up. She's also been wormed and I'm putting antibiotics in her eyes. I don't need another cat! Especially since all of the neighborhood cats have decided that my place is the Sandals Resort and hang out here.

I will be starting a new textile series of work soon. I'm excited!

Skirting the Issue

"Gypsy" is set in the 1930s, so I took my cue from the old Busby Berkeley musicals of the day. Check out the majorette skirt!


The result is a little pleated skirt with 30s sensibilities out of the dyed brocade. I set in pleats with the iron before applying the hologram sequins around the hem. Be sure you use a press cloth and test your iron on fabric scrap to see if there's melting or shrinkage before you hit the real thing!

You can start to see the finished shape of the costume now. The beaded fringes will go under the butterfly and will be backed with a Flexifirm underlining so it will stand straight without bending towards the curve of the body. We love our 'kitty bellies', but we want to keep them to ourselves!

The butterflies are creased severely, but it's hard to see it in a straight on view. I'll be adding the spring posts so they 'twanga' and two small pieces of elastic will hold tension on the wings so that they flitter a bit.

Today I'll finish the skirt back with a placket, Velcro and a button. Two small lengths of elastic will go in place in the sides to keep the skirt in place and allow for the acrobatics dancers do onstage. I'm also cutting the gauntlets, sewing the shoe laces, and will chalk out the wing designs and cut the skirt and bra backs.

They Are Airborne!

I'm almost finished! Just need to put the backing on the butterfly appliques, heat set the center press with the iron, and attach them with springs. The picture above shows the beaded edge. This is an easy and effective finish to do with small beads and a whip stitch. You can use a sharp instead of a beading needle if you're driving it through Trimtex or Flexifirm because beading needles tend to break. Just use a bead that you test with the eye side of your needle to be sure it slides over.


I used some lavender and turquoise clear rocailles that Cindy and I found on eBay. I also added a row of the hologram sequins anchored with a rocaille to tie it together with the bra bead and sequin pattern. There are AB celendon green bugles used as accents. If you click on the pix you can see a larger picture and maybe a bit more detail. The long beaded strands you see are the ends of the long tassel which will go over center front of her 10" long beaded fringe. I'm still working on it.

I opted to use feathers and am really pleased with he results! I used colors from the brocade and the airbrush paints that I'll be painting her wings with. I think the feathers add a wonderfully tacky background to the wings and give them that outre' that Cindy's character Tessie would have her retired seamstress make her. Bottom left corner shows one of the appliques turned over so you can see the feather application to the back - again with good ole Aleene's Super Fabric glue. Click on it for a better look. I'll trim the quills when I've let them set a bit more and then make a back lining of the brocade. Should have the pantie skirt finished and think I'll make it a separate piece so that she can wear a clean pantie while washing the other pair.

Her character shoes came in yesterday along with the lace body suits. And hallelujah, they fit her tall frame! Always an issue with one-size-fits-all pieces. But the net and lace stretch just enough.

Her shoes will go to the shoe maker to have two industrial grommets placed into the sides so we can thread ribbon lacing through to emulate pointe shoes lacing. She bought some hologram ribbon just tacky enough to do the deed.

What do you think about the feathers?

Butterflies Are Not Free

But they are almost ready to fly onto the costume. Spent the past hours beading, setting stones, and embellishing the butterfly appliqués with additional glitz. I glued them to a Flexifirm backing with Aleene's Super Fabric glue, turned over the edges and glued then pinned them down to dry as you can see in the first picture above. Flexifirm is a very thick interfacing something akin to craft plastic or styrene and can be heat shaped when I'm happy with the look.


In the close up you can see the stones I used to shape and trace the wings and body. I used AB faceted crystals in a medium amethyst and pale turquoise blue pillow beads on the wing halos, rim set AB crystals in two colors to compliment the silver and gray iron on studs that form the rest of the butterfly and then used silver lined rose violet rocailles to outline the top and bottom of the wings. The smaller butterflies have a modified version of the beads and stones.

I will do more embellishment, put a on beaded edge, and am trying to decide whether or not to use feather tips around the edging before I put on the back lining lining. I like the different finishes of the stones.

Bells and Butterflies

What you're seeing in the picture above is some of the prop pieces for the stripper's costume. The white lace with red and blue stones is the G-string that one of the Toreadorables picks up in the dressing room and hangs around her neck because she thinks it's a necklace. On the shoulder are the colored jingle bells Cindy's character installs on her costume as a gimmick in the 'Gotta Have A Gimmick' number.

We found some incredible appliques appropriate for an actor and I gussied up a tee-shirt for her as well. These three items are ready to go out the door.

Today, I work on the butterflys that go on the front of the gostume. I used the back side of the brocade I dyed as a contrast and will embellish and back them.

The gorgeous green silk gauze wings are cut out. I will keep them together as I lay out the color design with chalk before airbrushing them. Then they will be cut out, edges rolled, I'll stick a few pounds of beads and sequins on them to help weight them and finish with a collar and the dowels in the front edges.

The white ball of light you're seeing at the bottom of George's scratching post just flew by as I photographed this with the tripod. The other light balls on the green gauze I didn't see until I uploaded the pictures. I hope 'they' were approving my work!

This is the finished piece of 10" beaded fringe to go on the dance pant. The beige you can just barely see is the lycra pant and the brocade above will be pleated into a split skirt to cover the front. I'm also beading an 18" tassle for center front from additional colors of Miyuki's and rocailles. When you bead on a header of twill or horsehair, or even directly onto a garment. Keep your work from coming undone with a dab of fabric glue on all the knots on the wrong side.

Practice Wings Finished

Cindy came over for the practice wings yesterday. I finished them up with Velcro in the car! Since the clean and reorganizing fest last weekend, I can't find diddle here!! Tip with Velcro: Always put the scratchy loops on the garment that's closest to the skin and the soft loops facing the skin. Velcro hook side is just nasty to feel rubbing against your skin.

Also used a variegated ribbon in greens as the collar piece faced with ribbon and bias and as the pouches to hold the wing dowels. I put a small 4" ribbon patch overlapped half an inch on the open top edge. This keeps the dowels from falling out when they're raised.

The power net is a no go. Won't take the tea stain. Makes it look a bit greenish, and not the good kind of olive skin tone greenish either! I'm having Cindy order 2 floozy looking body stockings from here and here (warning: nudity!! )which I will embellish with beads and crystals. One is net and the other a patterned lace. Her bra and dance pant will go over this so that the only thing naked about her will be her nose unlike the Pamela Anderson Lee model look alike.

Finished!

Finally got all the handwork done on the purple kimono. As I may want to show this garment in a show someday with Cindy's permission, I made the frog artsy as I do on many jackets such as the kimono.

You can see from the closeups all the beads and gemstones I used. The 'button' is a mother-of-pearl tooth used as a toggle through a nephrite jade ring. I left the end of the bias tube unfinished because it reminds me of a peace lily. Bead and crystal calyxes of course! You can't see all the sparkle but I guarantee you it's there!

I dyed the fabric for Cindy's practice wings just because there was a vat of dark cedar green pigment dye on the back porch left from Jeannie's gown. The fabric is quite a bit heavier than the silk gauze I'll be using for the real things, but I figure that they'll simulate the weight of the real thing after I finish piling on beads and bling. Also bought an extra set of dowels for the practice wings. I suppose I should put a picture of them up as well as I go.

The kimono just needs a final press before it goes on a hangar and in the bag.

Stripper's Kimono Update

The 1920s style kimono is to the hand work stage. I should have had it finished by now, but everyday stuff got in the way. All the hems are done and I'm shooting for hand-stitching the sleeve linings and collar down. The bias tube for the kimono frog is made and will be applied - with beads! - after the finish work.

Also cut out a mini kimono for Cindy's daughter, Sky who's following in her mother's footsteps. She's one of the Hollywood Blonds in the play, too. Her kimono has trim of her mom's brocade and a purple satin body since there wasn't enough of the butterfly brocade to do a whole kimono.

I also dyed some stretch knit sheer for a pair of practice wings so Cindy can block her scenes. 'Blocking' is where the director places the actors in their spots on stage for each particular scene, runs them through the choreography and movement in relation to the scenery, props and other actors so that it looks smooth. Considering Cindy's wings are going to be quite the space taker, I thought I'd run up a pair of non-detailed surrogate wings while I work on the real thing.

I'm missing a cat since yesterday morning. Loverboy went outside after breakfast and I haven't seen him since even though I've looked and called. I miss him and wish he'd come home.

Also discovered that I threw away a cardboard box of writings from several years as trash. I'm in a delete mode around here but did not intend to do that. I'm philosophical about it since I really can't retrieve it. There's a message of letting go of the past here. I'm trying.

More pictures later on.

Tessie's Costume From Gypsy: Hunting and Gathering

So. I'm retired. But I do take on the occasional project for one of my own. My own this time is friend Cynthia Miller-Ray. She's playing Tessie for all she's worth in a community production of 'Gypsy'. Would I make her costume? Absolutely. Said Southern style as I've said before....'Has a cat got an arse?"

So. What does a costumer go through when you take on a project?

1. Step 1: Concept and Design. Here you study your character and discuss it with the director, stage manager, property and scene people and your actor. Who are they? What do they do in the production? Does their role have any special requirements like acrobatics, dancing, rigorous fighting? What colors or lighting effects do you have in your background? Should they stand out as a principal player or recede into the background as an extra? Think Meg Ryan in the red dress in a city street full of gray pinstripes and sensible shoe clad business women. You come up with sketches or mock ups and hash them over with your director, production staff and actors. Cindy approves my rough sketch. We've decided to stick with Tessie's 'Gotta Have A Gimmick' butterfly concept with wings, a body suit, headpiece with antennae and appliques in the fig leaf places.


2. When the costume has been approved, you begin hunting down the basic ingredients of what you'll need to build the costume. In Cindy's case, I won't have to go through a huge amount of revisions, matching fabrics and colors with backdrops and pleasing the other production staff members. She trusts me and we've worked together for years so I know her style, what colors are good with her Titian coloring, turquoise eyes, and Amazon tall frame. We don't have to please any directors or scenery people in this case - one of the lovely things about working community theater rather than equity productions. They're mainly just tickled to have someone doing the chore for them.


3. I hunt on eBay, the Internet, Etsy, through my own stash of fabric, for some baubles and trim. I make sure Cindy stands out in the crowd so I like to lavish on the glitz whenever I can. When we gather all our materials together we've got: About 2 pounds of various beads, rhinestones with rim sets, holographic textile glitter, stud sets and crystal in teal, purples and violets, and AB golds - thank you eBay sellers. We have an airbrush and propellant from Dick Blick so I can paint the wings and the skirts of her costume with butterfly markings along with basic paints to mix colors with and metallics in copper, gold and silver to highlight the markings. Two wooden dowels from the local crafts department are to channel into the upper edges of the wings so that she can 'fly' them. We got 12 yards of silk gauze for wings and skirts from Dharma Trading Company. And there's gorgeous oriental brocade in a purple with woven silk butterflies for a kimono from Joanne's fabrics. Her body suit is of a nude stretch net which will blend with her skin tone once it's all together.

Next we'll get on with construction. Stay tuned. Oh. And part three of the how-to tute is coming after I get up enough nerve to tackle the camera and construction again in a few days!

(Note: The pic above shows from left to right, top to bottom, sort of: Purple kimono brocade with embroidered butterflies, sketchbook, just above that the white silk gauze, to the immediate right of the silk, the basic airbrush colors plus opaque white and black, to the right of the basic airbrush colors is the beige power net. Just below the silk fabric, basic paints and power net are the two dowels for her wings, the bead assortment in the clear bead box, and Czech crystal heat set rhinestones and the boxes of rim set crystals. In the box on the upper right is the single action airbrush and components, CFS free propellant, metallic colors, and heavy grip textile glue.)

Part Two Small Quilted Wallhanging Tutorial

I have a small fold at the top of my piece with a fabric header above it for visual interest. You don't have to use bias as I have. A different texture fabric than your main embellished layer would add a tactile element to your finished work. If you don't want to add a header, skip steps through and baste around the edges of the four layers.

5. Below, you can see I've folded down the beaded top and pinned a piece of 1 1/4" wide bias tape right side down towards the interfacing and batting.

6. The bias is dropped from the top edge about 5/8" to 1". Use a running stitch through all layers backstitching every few stitches to anchor your work.

The red dashes below shows stitch placement.

7. The bias is dropped so that when you fold it back and pin it, the top edge of the bias or fabric is even with the top of your batting, interfacing and backing. Baste the bias at the top together through the batting and backing.




8. When you turn the edge of your cuff back, you'll stitch through the bias just above the bottom fold for a clean edge and no inner layers showing.


9. The picture below shows the stitches hidden under the fold.

Part One Small Quilted Wallhanging Tutorial

This is a tutorial on how to make a small quilted and embellished wallhanging like those in my New Orleans Blues Fetish series listed on Etsy.com. These small pieces are wonderful to brighten up a narrow wall space or hung in clusters.





1. Start your piece with a 4 1/2" X 6 1/2" top. I recommend using a sturdy fabric that can stand up to the weight of your embellishment and hold its shape after quilting. Your top can be pieced, embellished with beads or gemstones or collaged with fabric scraps, lace and ribbon. The first picture above shows the beaded piece ready to be quilted.


2. After your top is ready, cut a fabric backing, batting and interfacing the same size as your top as in picture 2 just below.



3. You'll stack your work with a layer of sew-in interfacing, batting and backing under it. The interfacing under the embellished layer doesn't show up well in the third picture. It's the edge of white just under the beaded top. Don't worry if your layers aren't exactly the same. You'll trim off the extra after they're all basted together.



4. Once together, pin the different layers together starting with the center and working towards the edges smoothing your layers as you pin.

Two Funerals And A Wedding

No. I didn't get the title of the movie wrong. I just renamed it to suit my life. I just had my next sequal to the "Two Funerals" part as Sally Jo passed Monday, March 1st at 7:30 a.m. I'd been on the phone with her throughout the night talking into her ear as she was going through the mechanics of leaving.

Heavily sedated and in that coma we get to when it's close to time for the boat to leave, she could no longer respond, but she tried. Her sister Katy held up the phone to her ear while I cooed to her that it was going to be alright, that she could let go, and that I'd see her soon so save me a spot on the bench. Katy said she opened her eyes the first time I called when I told her I loved her and that she was a good friend. All I heard was Sal's moan.

I think she was trying to say, "EE-awk-eee!" It was our signal of hello to each other. I've had code words and signals with friends since being small. Always lets you know that the person outside the door really is of your tribe. Well. Sal's moan did sound a bit like EE-awk-ee! Or maybe she was just rearranging what was left of her spit under her tongue. She was pretty doped up. But the experts say that hearing is the last sense to go. I hope so. I wanted her to know that I was there with her in spirit and will continue to be.

The family had one service in Augusta. Another one will be held here. Sally asked if I'd write her eulogy the last time we had a phone conversation that made sense. I told her yes. Only I said, "Has a cat got an ass?" It's what she expects me to say as a definitive answer to the positive. I'm also getting some of her ashes to put on my altar down here at Dogpatch. I may have mentioned all this before. If so, forgive me. It's been a long month with all these life rituals going on and my synapses are fried.

The wedding part of the title comes in with a lot more joy. Longtime friend Jeannie Taylor asked me to 'do' her wedding gown. She brought me a traditional white 1980s number with a long chapel train, enormous leg-o-mutton sleeves, and 10 pounds of lace appliqués and beading. She wanted it emerald green. Dye is out of the question for acetate gowns as the fibers don't take it. So I got her to get some green pigment dye with a small jar of black pigment to drab it down from Dharma Trading Company. We both agree that it is one of the most gorgeous things I've ever made.

The dye streaked, pooled and puddled. It took heavier in some areas and on the appliquéd lace, tinted the iridescent sequins and glass pearls. You'd swear that fairy creatures imprinted themselves on it because I sewed bead eyes on them all over the skirts. I removed the damaged bead and pearl fall from the front and replaced it using some of the pearls removed and beads Jeannie had picked out.

There were three special strands: One for Shirley who was Jeannie's mentor and surrogate mother that had her star bead on it, one for me with one solitary vitrail teardrop I had for me, and I used real emerald beads and crystal for Jeannie. When she came down the staircase at the church, you could her an audible 'ah!' from everyone. She was just stunning! Her Cherokee coloring and wild mane of hair looked like she stepped from virgin forest into the room. I loved that she, along with her maids went barefoot. They also jumped the broom!

Her wedding theme was a Celtic one with her maids dressed in Renaissance Faire wear and the men sporting doublets and real Irish Claymore swords they used to salute. Jeannie carried a basket of ivy and herbs. I cried. I always cry at weddings.

The picture above is Jeannie at one of the fittings. I'll show you the finished project in a future post. All in all there are about 30 or more hours in the dress, hundreds of extra pearls and beads and several days of treating my skin to bleach to return it to my normal beige instead of cedar green speckles and blotches everywhere.

Suggestionss for reduxing a vintage wedding gown:

Think beads and embellishing for repairs and alterations. Instead of ripping seams and removing boning to take in the gown, see if you can pinch the seam up and anchor it on the outside with a beaded running stitch. Looks like it was built on purpose! I'll try to get some close-ups of what I did.

If the gown is too wide in the shoulders, try pleating over the very edge of the yoke towards the sleeve top and using the beaded running stitch to take it up. Hand sewing is diriguer because you need the control that can only be achieved by hand manipulating the ease of the fabric.

Instead of using the traditional method of removing the skirts and lining to shorten the gown from the waist, consider making a pleat in the bottom of the skirt or small, draped tucks and accenting them with appliqués or beads. Decorative hems are already a feature of wedding wear. You know my motto: If a little looks great, pile on some more!

The type of dyeing I did on Jeannie's gown is very eclectic and not for every taste. The color is purposely not evenly distributed and pooling and checking of dyes were wanted in this case. Don't consider dying your gown a different color unless you're into S&M, like having dyed skin and feet for weeks, have a huge yard or warehouse to do the chore in and at least 3 days to allow the dye to work and set. Oh. You'll also need a vat the size of a livestock feeder to accommodate the up to 24 yards of fabric involved. And a bottle of Advil for the backache of lifting and hanging 24 yards of wet fiber.

Waiting Room

I had a wonderful thing happen the day that I went for my laser surgery. Amazing that in the midst of all the angst about loosing half my eyesight that wonderfulness could happen, but it did. See. I'm taking you back to make up for the things that happened in February that I should have posted if I could.

The torn retina was diagnosed in Brandon and my Opthomologist sent me to Lakeland Regional Hospital eye clinic for the laser process. I called Phyllis McEwen to drive me. If you've had your eyes examined, you know the 10-4 on waiting around with the eye drops to dilate, or numb or both. So. There we were in the waiting room with me dilating away. We were in the waiting room with three middle aged women and one ancient charmer.

Miss Connie was 83 years old, she informed us. Her still dark hair was done up in huge Marcelle waves plastered close to the scalp making her look like Josephine Baker from the 1920s. Phyllis began it all by asking Miss Connie what she liked to do.

"Why, I cook, baby!" Miss Connie said. "But not just cook, I like to fix it up, make it look special, decorate it with apples, celery sprigs, and parsely and radishes!"

"Can you cook greens?" Phyllis asked as culinary explorer and emcee. "I've been craving me some greens. How 'bout sweet potato pie?"

"Absolutely! The secret's in the washin' and the seasonin' and what you use for it." A note here to the Northern Provinces - 'seasoning' in the South when greens are in the same paragraph bespeaks meat and fat - ham hocks, pork butt roast or shoulder, streak-o-lean, bacon.

"I'm hungry for soul food, Southern food. What you gonna cook me?" Phyllis pressed on.

"Well, let's see now. 'Sides greens - and what kind of greens you want, baby - mustard, collards, or turnip?"

"Oh, collards, of course, please ma'am!" Phyllis was really getting us all into this now. We Southerners are truly mindful of our manners and respect for our elders.

"Well, 'sides greens, you got to have you a good old ham baked up right so's the crust is dark brown and crunchy and the insides are just juicy as you carve off the slices."

"Deviled eggs!", chimed in one of our group. "I want some potato salad!" , chirped another.

"Corn bread made in a black iron skillet on the top of the stove before you pour in the batter to make a good crust!", I offered for my contribution.

The third woman added, "Buttermilk biscuits, big and flaky and loaded with real butter!"

"Speaking of butter, how 'bout corn on the cob!"
"Baby limas with some of the ham!"
"Field peas with snaps!"
"Or zipper peas!"
"Fried chicken with a good scald on it!"
"Fried green tomatoes!"
"Fried okra!"
"Fried anything without a commercial telling you it will clog your arteries!"

We were all running with it and laughing. We discussed fried catfish and hush puppies with grits, the merits of sweet potato pie, the perfect pecan pie, and other mouth watering morsels women have been cooking in Southern kitchens for centuries.

I asked Miss Connie how she fried her chicken. She stuck out a bony hand, palm up and said, "It'll cost you, honey." Then she proceeded to tell us how she fixed gator tail, "And you do chicken the same way!"

"I sew. What kind of dress you want, ma'am?", I asked Miss Connie.

"Baby, I want a pink frock that fits with an A-line skirt! And a jacket."

"You want sweetheart pink, or bubble gum pink?", I'm getting my details in order, don't you know.

"A good pink, not pastel or baby, not hot and all neon. A good pink."

A design is emerging. "How long do you want the skirt, mid-calf?"

"Laws, no, honey! I want it to come just to the middle of my knee cap. I got some good legs and I like to show them off!" And she did show off extending a still shapely calf. "And I want pretty work on the cuffs of the jacket."

I designed two more dresses for other women and discovered we had a racy sex goddess sitting with us in the guise of a 50 something housefrau dressed in the most sensible shoes you've ever seen.

We all joined in with comments about shoes, hose, girdles, how we never used to leave the house without a pair of gloves or a hat.

"I wear me some hats! I spray paint them ole straws and glue decorations on them. If it ain't tacky enough, why I just glue on some more stuff until it is. Then I wear it to church." Miss Connie animated all of this in mime and finished with a flourish, hand on hip, a remarkably spry and flirty sashay as she walked down the aisle to her imaginary pew.

Then we continued designing dresses in our minds until we were gotten to continue the process, one by one.

This is a familiar phenomenon I've observed throughout my life: Women get together as strangers in a laundromat, at the doctor's office, the hospital waiting for news of a loved one's surgery, and we talk. We seem to know from some long entrenched gene that we group together and pull the wagons in. The chatter helps entertain us, passes the time, let's us know we're not alone in this Cosmic Cottilion. We usually touch topics that tribe us up - cooking, kids, the drill.

And Phyllis did exactly what she'd set out to do with this ancient custom. She distracted me from the worry I was feeling with a baked ham, fried gator, and a hat.